Dependent

Recently my life has been all over the place and I feel as if I'm putting that lightly. Everything seems to be falling apart one by one, there are nights when I cry myself to sleep just thinking about it. I was at a point where I just felt torn between what was truly right and what was wrong. I would speak to people about how I would be feeling, about what I was going through, but no one would really understand. Maybe I'm not too good at explaining. Or maybe telling people my problems isn't the right thing to do. It's not going to make it easier, sometimes it just adds to it. I just don't know,
We as humans are weak, more weaker than we actually think. We find ourselves  dependent on worldly needs. Whether it may be a person, an object or even a habit. There are times in our lives when we start to feel lost or confused without them. We start to forget that things in this world are temporary. Nothing stays in your life forever, the sooner we digest that, the easier life will be. Let's use a contemporary example: our phones. Some people actually live around their phone, without their phone they almost feel lost, it's almost like a lifeline. The moment it goes missing or it stops working, your life flashes before your eyes. It's sad when you think about it. It's an object, an object that holds no value. It's worth nothing so why should it mean anything?
But I guess it's different when talking about people. We find ourselves constantly wanting to talk to people about problems, sometimes even hoping they can take it away. But what makes them any different? They are just another person like you trying to go through life and their problems. So why should there be a need to annoy them with your own? Of course there are those who are always happy to listen and willing to help, but there is always a limit to everything. One day that person will start to have enough, one day that person won't be bothered any more and sooner or later you will start to sense it. But that's okay. Take that as a learning curve because trust me the only thing that will never get tired, frustrated on annoyed is ALLAH. Wallahi never ever, but we tend to forget this. With Allah you don't always need to use words or expressions, because Allah already knows. HE knows when your at your weakest, He knows when your at your best. He knows what's behind every tear. He knows what's behind every smile. But do we always acknowledge this? No we don't, we really don't. Allah is always there. Whilst people come and go for once has He ever left? NOO. NEVER. Why should we be dependent on something else when the only thing we should be dependent is the One that created us. Allah cares like no one could ever care. Not like your mother, not like your husband or what not. LIKE NO ONE.
There are times where I feel distant from Allah, where I feel as if I've lost the connection. maybe it's my sins coming to haunt me. Something I know I need to work on. But the one thing I know for sure is I know how to set my priorities straight.
For Allah said:

"So remember me; I will remember you and be grateful to  me and do not deny me"

(2;152)

Without Allah we are nothing, we would have been nothing. Without being able to fully depend on Allah is is a major flaw. A flaw that we all need to overcome, starting with me. We may lose all we have, we may lose the people we love. But as long as we have Allah, we have everything we need.

(O Allah! There are times when all I want to do is cry. There are times when I feel so weak. There are times when I feel so lost. I am a slave that needs guidance. Guide me to what you think is best. For verily it is only you who can put my heart at ease. Allahumma ameen.)